Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Week 32



I had to invest in some larger new maternity shirts this week to accommodate this growing belly. They're getting bigger at a quick rate and along with that the extra weight is making it more difficult to stand/sit upright for very long. As uncomfortable as it is, I gladly welcome the growth knowing that will help them even more if they are to be born early.

During this morning's monitoring I started having contractions that quickly became regular - about 5 minutes apart. I immediately began praying that I wouldn't have a repeat of the last time I had regular contractions and that it wouldn't progress further. This time the doctor let me drink extra water on my own to see if the fluids would help slow the contractions rather than hooking me up to an IV for fluids. The contractions lasted awhile longer and I ended up being on the monitor for them until about 3pm. It was a long morning. Thankfully, as I kept drinking water and the day went on, the contractions had slowed down quite a bit. I'm still having some every now and then, but they are not nearly as painful or consistent. Hoping for some good sleep tonight.

The sonographer came in today to do my first of two weekly ultrasounds. The babies look great. Friday they will do a growth assessment on them. I'm looking forward to seeing how much bigger they are compared to three weeks ago.

As we were finishing up with the ultrasound the MFM doctor came in to check in on things. We talked about several things, but naturally was not given anything concrete...you just can't have concrete plans when it comes to twins or going into labor in general. I asked about how much longer they'd keep me here and if they'd check my cervix for any further dilation and such. Originally he stated he'd have someone come today to check dilation and then based on that, possibly allow me to be discharged this week. With further conversation we ended up coming to the decision that I'll stay here a couple more weeks (until 34 weeks) before they consider discharging me. This is based on multiple factors, but one of the main reasons is the distance from our house to the hospital, which is my biggest concern. I'm staying here longer largely due to it being my choice. I feel more comfortable being here at this point in the pregnancy in case something were to happen. My worry is that I go home this week and the contractions continue and escalate and then I'm an hour away from the hospital that has the facilities to deliver twins this early (my hospital back home does not). I obviously, really want to be home. I was a bit emotional when I told Richard about the decision because I miss him, but ultimately have to think of what's best for us and our little girls. He completely agrees and is so supportive and that is definitely helpful for me in hanging in there while my stay is prolonged.

This is no vacation, y'all. Yes, it's the best for me and the babies to be in a place where I'm forced to not do anything - going home (even on bedrest) would not look the same as it does here, too much temptation to "do" even the little things. However, as much as I've heard "enjoy it while I can" there is just no way that's possible. This is not enjoyable. It is not relaxing. It's boring. It's lonely. It's all consuming and you spend so much time thinking. I'm not complaining though, because the Lord has taught me so much during my time here - he has taught me to allow others to serve me and my family, he has shown me who he is and what he can do time and time again, he has even shown me the tough reality of who my true friends are. He has taught me not to fear him and his plan, but to trust and rely on him completely in all things. There is so much unknown and for this type A, planner lady, I've actually learned to rest in that rather than try to control and know it all. I am so humbled by him and his ways and could not be any more grateful for that. These babies aren't the only things that are growing on this journey.

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