Yes, I've missed a few weeks of updates. Not much was going on and in all honesty, I decided to rest during my son's nap time/my blogging time. So let me fill you in now on the latest!
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| 19 Weeks |
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| 20 Weeks |
The past month has been a long wait for us as I was very eager to check in on the littles and see if there had been any improvement with my placenta previa. This past Monday I had an appointment with my OB. She was in a delivery, so I had to wait an hour or so to get in and see her and by then she was playing catch-up with her other patients as well, so needless to say that appointment went fairly fast. She checked their hearbeats (both 150 bpm - first time for them to be the same!) and then informed me I needed to come back in a couple weeks for the glucose test - yumm...
Tuesday I was scheduled to have my monthly MFM appointment, but because Texas weather is crazy that appointment was canceled as they were expecting it to be icy roads (my MFM doctor drives up from Austin every week). I had the option of just rescheduling for the following Tuesday or scheduling a different day this week and drive to Austin for it. I opted to drive down to Austin - I just couldn't bring myself to have to wait another week to get an update on everything. So Wednesday morning I dropped J with a friend and headed down to Austin.
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| Snow! See, crazy Texas! |
This appointment was abnormally long - I had no idea it would be until we got started. Because they couldn't get clear images of one of the babies at last month's MFM appointment, they had to play catch up and get a ton of images of her heart. Both are still girls - YAY!! After they checked on the babies they had to do another ultrasound of my cervix to see if there was progress with the placenta previa. It had moved a little bit, which is great news, but it's not quite where we want it to be yet. Shouldn't be a problem, they say, and that it should continue to move up as the babies get bigger. So we continue to pray. At that point, my MFM doctor comes in to discuss all the images and if there are any concerns (I spend most of my time with a sonographer). He tells me that baby A is about 15oz and baby B is about 12 oz. Both babies are growing at a good rate, so he's not concerned about their size yet - if this is their normal rate of growth then we're in trouble! I mentioned to him that in the last week or so I've had a serious pain in my upper thigh on my left leg, that it feels like a bad pulled muscle (hard to walk or turn over when sleeping). His diagnosis - ligament pain. Oh.My.Gosh. This is painful, y'all! I never had pain like this with J and even after reading up on it some I never expected it to feel like this. The babies are in a T-shape...baby B is laying parallel to my belly button and baby B is perpendicular just under her and to my right. This little arrangement totally explains why I have such bad ligament pain on my left side - that 15oz little girl is pulling all that weight to my right side! Ugh. It's been a little tough moving around, especially when it comes to chasing after J. I keep meaning to try some stretches and some prenatal yoga to see if it will help alleviate some of the pain. My goal is to try some yoga this weekend (thanks youtube!).
Next, we discuss my cervix. Apparently it looked short on the ultrasound - usually it shortens the closer to birth...this is too early! Again, he's not concerned, but wants to monitor it. So next week I have another appointment with him to see how it's going and to get some more images of baby A's heart that they couldn't quite get this time. Thankfully that appointment is in the evening, so Richard may get to go with me or at the very least he can keep J so I don't have to find someone to watch him.
Can I just pause here and say how incredibly blessed I am for all the friends who have watched J? I'm so grateful for the offers as well. We are loved so well by so many and with all these appointments that tend to overwhelm me, it's nice to not have to stress too much over what I'll do with my three year old. Seriously, the greatest friends I could have asked for!
Undoubtedly I felt a bit overwhelmed after this appointment. It was a lot of information to take in. At first I shared it with Richard like I was just filling him in. No big deal. The more I sat on the information, the more I became emotional. The Lord has been so good to us through this entire journey. He's here right now. In this moment. Always. Sometimes I let all these dang hormones take over and I let worry and fear in. Can I be honest here? Do you know what I fear? Our babies are healthy. They are doing well. God is protecting them and taking care of them. I fear it will be me who fails them. That the issue with my cervix will cause preterm labor (at the very least) and they will be unable to live outside of me. That my body will be unable to do what God intended it to do. It's scary to think about it and I've been praying that I'm reminded of His truth and that I seek to know him more deeply so as not to let this fear and worry cripple me, but for Him to continue to grow and strengthen me in this journey.
I am so attached to these little girls. And though we don't have names for them yet, the Lord has already called them by name and knows them. I'm pressing into Him and clinging to hope still. My heart is joyful with the thought of bringing them home and getting to watch J be a precious big brother to them.
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| "Mommy, I give babies a hug." |
I mean, seriously. How can you not love this sweet boy's heart? I look at this picture and see the Lord's love for us in so many ways - the gift of raising up children, but also the deep, pure, unwavering love that He has for us. This is what I cling to as we face circumstances, fears, and emotions throughout this journey. What truth it is.
