Week 33

33 weeks - look and feel like a watermelon!

Only two days in and I already have some stuff to share! Last week I didn't get to share the girls' growth because my ultrasound on Friday ended up being really late. I know measuring for growth/weight on the ultrasound isn't always 100% accurate, but I was pretty excited and relieved when I heard just how much they've grown in the past 3 weeks! Baby A weighed in at 4lbs 15oz and baby B weighed in at 5lbs 4oz. Big girls - following in their brother's footsteps! It gives me some comfort knowing if they were born very soon, they'd be a decent weight.

The weekend was kind of full - meaning I had several visitors and it was wonderful. A sweet friend of mine came down Saturday with lunch and we ate together and then talked for a couple hours. It was great. Later that day Richard came with Josiah and dinner. Josiah was in a good mood and behaved so well. My time with them was really very enjoyable. Sunday evening another dear friend of mine brought me dinner (from Cheesecake Factory - yum!). Those few hours catching up and laughing was so great. Being in Austin, away from family and friends, makes it hard to stay in the loop. So any chance to chat and just be with my people is so refreshing. It also makes it so much better when we can talk about life and not just focus on me and my situation. I love hearing about what they've been up to and what they're going through as well. I can only talk about yucky hospital food, my uncomfortable bed (and body), and updates on the babies and my emotions so much. I'm so very grateful for the friends who are invested in me and even in this situation I can still show my investment in them.

Monday was quite the whirlwind! There was a lot on the agenda that day - lots of visitors. Texas has had so much rain and thunderstorms this month, so the weather was pretty crazy that day. Mom was here in the morning with Josiah as usual. I had a good visit with them, Josiah was in a good mood again (yay!). Love it when your three year old cooperates with you. They were getting ready to leave and Josiah is used to the drill of giving mommy a hug, a kiss, and an "I love you" before heading out the door. He walked over to me with his arms out, sat in my lap, and wrapped his arms around me and said, "I cuddle wif mommy for a bit" and we just sat there hugging. It was precious and, yes, I teared up some. I miss my little boy like all get out, he'll always be my baby. After they left, some friends from church came by to do some maternity photos for me. They had offered to take some for me so we'd have the memories of all this before the twins come. Richard and I did our own when I was pregnant with Josiah and I really wanted some done with the twins, but then this whole bed rest thing happened so I had thrown the idea out the window. Glad they had the idea to do it from the hospital room. The weather did not help with lighting, but they got a few great shots (they're posted at the bottom of this post). While they were here, another group of friends stopped by on their way through Austin. So, my room was filled with 4 adults, 2 kids, a baby, and pregnant lady with twins (that's me...) and then it hit. We were on a tornado warning and had to "take cover" which consisted of us going out in the hall and hanging out for awhile. I will say, having all these wonderful friends with me made that the most enjoyable tornado warning I've ever been in! The warning eventually lifted and they were able to head home to safety.

Tornado warning hangout fun

Richard was planning on coming down earlier that day, but had stayed home because of the tornado warnings. He was finally able to leave the house. It was nice that he got here before it had gotten too late - I had plans for us to pretend we were home on a date night in and eat dinner together and watch a movie. Glad we were able to stick to the plan. I needed some normalcy with the hubby!

Date night in - hubby, babies, and a movie

Had an ultrasound today. Babies look beautiful. They're breathing so well, heart rates are good, and moving around like crazy! Baby B's amniotic fluid is still a bit high, but they'll just continue to keep an eye on it. Today the sonographer pointed out that both babies have hair! Josiah was bald forever, so I was excited when I heard this. Obviously, it's pretty hard to tell from an ultrasound how much hair they have, but she could tell B has a little more than A. She also printed off a picture of the babies positions - A's butt is right in B's face! Haha! I love it! Poor girl has less room than sister and often gets beat up on by her, this was her payback!

The MFM doctor came in today on his round. There are 6 of them and I've met most of them, but I hadn't met the one that's on call for the next two weeks. I like him. He's very straight forward and will tell you like it is and give you his honest opinion about things. So it was good to talk with him and get an idea of what next week might look like. I will be 34 weeks and the possibility of me being discharged will be reassessed again. I'm already 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced. Next week they will check me again before allowing me to be discharged. Since I'm right on the edge of going either way he may just keep me here until 36 weeks. If I stay they will take me off the procardia medication, which may cause me to go into labor. If they send me home, they will keep me on procardia to hopefully prolong the possibility of going into labor before 36 weeks - since my hospital back home can't take anyone earlier than 36 weeks. It made me feel better knowing he has a plan for both possibilities...and that he has no problem making the decision for me. That's the overwhelming thing to me - I've already made the decision to stay here 2 weeks longer than I may have needed (out of caution), that I've felt unsure about being confident in making yet another similar decision next week. It's a hard place to be in - to want to do what's best AND know it's what God wants for you. So naturally, we continue to "wait and see" before any decision can be made. Gosh, I've done so much of that this pregnancy. As challenging as it can be, it's always good to be stretched and grown through the Lord's plan.

Some hospital bed rest maternity photos:

Week 32

I had to invest in some larger new maternity shirts this week to accommodate this growing belly. They're getting bigger at a quick rate and along with that the extra weight is making it more difficult to stand/sit upright for very long. As uncomfortable as it is, I gladly welcome the growth knowing that will help them even more if they are to be born early.

During this morning's monitoring I started having contractions that quickly became regular - about 5 minutes apart. I immediately began praying that I wouldn't have a repeat of the last time I had regular contractions and that it wouldn't progress further. This time the doctor let me drink extra water on my own to see if the fluids would help slow the contractions rather than hooking me up to an IV for fluids. The contractions lasted awhile longer and I ended up being on the monitor for them until about 3pm. It was a long morning. Thankfully, as I kept drinking water and the day went on, the contractions had slowed down quite a bit. I'm still having some every now and then, but they are not nearly as painful or consistent. Hoping for some good sleep tonight.

The sonographer came in today to do my first of two weekly ultrasounds. The babies look great. Friday they will do a growth assessment on them. I'm looking forward to seeing how much bigger they are compared to three weeks ago.

As we were finishing up with the ultrasound the MFM doctor came in to check in on things. We talked about several things, but naturally was not given anything concrete...you just can't have concrete plans when it comes to twins or going into labor in general. I asked about how much longer they'd keep me here and if they'd check my cervix for any further dilation and such. Originally he stated he'd have someone come today to check dilation and then based on that, possibly allow me to be discharged this week. With further conversation we ended up coming to the decision that I'll stay here a couple more weeks (until 34 weeks) before they consider discharging me. This is based on multiple factors, but one of the main reasons is the distance from our house to the hospital, which is my biggest concern. I'm staying here longer largely due to it being my choice. I feel more comfortable being here at this point in the pregnancy in case something were to happen. My worry is that I go home this week and the contractions continue and escalate and then I'm an hour away from the hospital that has the facilities to deliver twins this early (my hospital back home does not). I obviously, really want to be home. I was a bit emotional when I told Richard about the decision because I miss him, but ultimately have to think of what's best for us and our little girls. He completely agrees and is so supportive and that is definitely helpful for me in hanging in there while my stay is prolonged.

This is no vacation, y'all. Yes, it's the best for me and the babies to be in a place where I'm forced to not do anything - going home (even on bedrest) would not look the same as it does here, too much temptation to "do" even the little things. However, as much as I've heard "enjoy it while I can" there is just no way that's possible. This is not enjoyable. It is not relaxing. It's boring. It's lonely. It's all consuming and you spend so much time thinking. I'm not complaining though, because the Lord has taught me so much during my time here - he has taught me to allow others to serve me and my family, he has shown me who he is and what he can do time and time again, he has even shown me the tough reality of who my true friends are. He has taught me not to fear him and his plan, but to trust and rely on him completely in all things. There is so much unknown and for this type A, planner lady, I've actually learned to rest in that rather than try to control and know it all. I am so humbled by him and his ways and could not be any more grateful for that. These babies aren't the only things that are growing on this journey.

Week 31

Pretty sure the belly grew overnight this week. The girls won't be measured for growth again until this next week, but if they aren't 4 pounds each right now, they are definitely very close...and momma's feeling it!

Last Friday evening was a bit of a scare (at 30 weeks - didn't make the blog because I had posted already). I was having contractions most of the day. By the time they did the monitoring in the evening they had become pretty consistent and slightly more intense. The nurse came in and told me they were about 5 minutes apart and that she was going to call the doctor to see what needed to be done. At that point they put an IV in and got me started on fluids. I had called Richard to fill him in and about 2 minutes after getting off the phone with him I texted him telling him I needed him here. I had no idea what was going to happen and I didn't want to deal with it alone. I was hooked up to the IV for the remainder of the night. Thankfully the fluids helped slow the contractions and we didn't have to resort to magnesium - it helps protect the babies' brain as well as relax the uterus, but it also makes momma feel yucky with flu-like symptoms...and I was not looking forward to that. Since that night I've been fine. I've had some contractions, but they're irregular and not really painful. So thankful. My level of discomfort in general has increased though. These girls are growing and completely taking over my body. As much as I want my body back, I want to keep them growing for a little while longer, so endure it, I must. It will be so worth it.

I knew going into the week, this weekend would be a bit more tough for me. Mom left for Oregon on Friday and will be back really late Monday night. One last little break before the long haul of waiting on these precious girls to be born and I'm really going to want my momma here. She came Monday and Wednesday with Josiah and several of our friends have been gracious enough to help take care of Josiah the other days since our help is gone. Richard gets him all weekend - they need some guy time. It'll be good for them.

I had a couple friends come by and visit this week, which I always look forward to. It helps pass the time faster and makes me feel fairly normal to be socializing with friends. This week I felt some serious boredom though. The visits were great, but it was the rest of the day that was hard. There's only so much TV/movies I can watch, reading I can do, and crafting I can craft before I'm ready for some normalcy. Y'all, I really do miss the running and chasing Josiah around, playdates, grocery shopping, and housework. I'm trying to 'enjoy' this time to myself as much as possible because I know life is going to get really crazy once these sweet girls are here, but it is so hard when I'm missing home and what I knew as my everyday life.

I'll be 32 weeks in a few days and we will be rejoicing in that! Towards the end of the week, the doctor will reassess me and our situation in order to decide if they'll keep me here a little longer or send me home. To be honest, I'm not sure which I would prefer. As much as I want to be home, I'm much more comfortable being here especially after the episode from last week. I'd rather be here if something were to happen since this is where I'd have to go anytime before 36 weeks. I've managed almost 3 weeks here, what's a few more? Please pray for clarity for the doctors and for comfort and acceptance for me with whatever the decision is.

Did some more bow making this week

Finally watched Beauty and the Beast AND enjoyed a very tasty bag of movie mix popcorn from a friend

My sweet babies on Mother's Day

Finally got to spend a Mother's Day with my mom in the 8 years I've lived in Texas

My gift to her - 3 grandbabies

Week 30!

My uterus has reached full term for a singleton, so all growing from here on out is going to be a bit rough and it started this week. So. Uncomfortable.

Hitting 30 weeks of pregnancy has been a big goal for me. There's just something about that number, like I'm in the home stretch and we're going to be ok. We've also managed to survive a week and a half with me on hospital bedrest. Y'all, it has been a roller coaster of emotions! So many ups and downs and so many things to be grateful for.

It took a couple of days before I started to feel the isolation and loneliness. I was so blessed by my small group girlfriends making a trip to be with me the second day I was here. Along with Richard spending as much time as he could those first few days and mom visiting with Josiah. When the weekend hit and I was alone a bit more during the day (a 3 year old boy does not do well cooped up in a hospital room full of things he can't touch), I became very emotional. I cried a lot that weekend. I wanted to just be home with my family. I wanted the comfort of my own environment and the ease of seeing friends. Monday was particularly rough this week when mom brought Josiah to visit. He didn't want much to do with me and kept asking to go home. He's 3 and in an unfamiliar place (and pretty moody that day too), but it hurt my heart a little. I just miss being with him, being his mom all day, every day. I've had to give up SO much control during this pregnancy, it felt like that was the moment I had given up the last of it and it was tough.

Mom is doing great with Josiah and we have a schedule figured out for him so he has some consistency and normalcy. He comes to visit me every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning for a couple hours then again at least once on the weekends. Mom has joined a bible study at our church once a week, so she gets out, gets fed (and a break from J), and Josiah gets to interact with other kids. Some friends are planning on taking J for playdates every once and awhile too so he can see his friends. Richard's work schedule varies, but he's been able to stay the night a couple times this week and work from the CISCO office near the hospital. He usually comes by afterwards before heading home. Saying goodbye sure is tough. I sure do miss that man.

As far as me and the girls - we're doing well. Babies are having great NST results - they're monitored twice a day. I've had some contractions, but nothing too consistent or intense. I get ultrasounds twice a week - Tuesday and Friday. The girls are doing everything they should be doing during those - practice breathing, movements, heart rates, etc. And are weighing in about 3lbs 5oz each! The other day Richard and I were able to tour the NICU here and be filled in on "what if" scenarios. It was a bit overwhelming to see the little babies in there and imagine our girls joining them soon, but it was also very humbling to be reminded that we're blessed to have made it to 30 weeks - a lot of those babies were born much earlier and are still hanging on. The Lord is taking care of us, He really is. And if our sweet Ellie and Nora end up needing to stay in the NICU for some time, that will just be another chapter to our journey and we're a little more prepared for it now.

How long will I be here? We were given an idea, but nothing is concrete because obviously we really don't know what's going to happen or when these girls will join us. I've been told I will be here at least until 32 weeks, but sounds like it could very well be 34 weeks or longer. They will reassess things at 32 weeks. Since I've already started to dilate they are not checking my cervix anymore as it might bring on preterm labor, but they plan to try to check it digitally to see how it's holding up - baby A is really low, so that may be too difficult to find out. We'll have to wait and see.

The owners of the therapy dogs came by again last night. It's amazing how seeing and petting those furry friends can be so uplifting. I like seeing those pups every week. Every Thursday afternoon there's a social hour for the ladies in antepartum. I was looking forward to going to that today, but the lady who leads it was out sick so it was canceled. Maybe next week I can update on how that goes. It would be nice to meet some of the other women who are going through similar circumstances. Instead a friend came by today with her two little girls - it was great to visit with her and I'm so grateful she was willing to make the drive to come see me.

I know I've said this before, but I continue to be amazed at the outpouring of love and support from our friends and church body. To see God using them to bless and serve us is so touching. I'm rarely on the receiving side of such servanthood, but what a good reminder for me - who am I to rob them of the blessing God is giving them by serving us? I need to learn to say yes (and actually come up with good answers to the question: "what can I do for you today?" That's still a toughie for me). It's also so refreshing to know who is truly there for you - whether you let me know you're praying, text or email me to check in, or you manage to find a way to drive down here to visit me - all of it I'm grateful for and feel so loved. So many of you have littles, so I understand making the drive to Austin is just not feasible - that's one downside to being here.

I've been very encouraged this week. The Lord is using all of this in so many different ways and for so many different people. My hope is that our story can be used for His good. I read this in one of my devotionals this week and I just loved it and have held on to it:

Relax in the knowledge that the One who controls your life is totally trustworthy. Come to Me with confident expectation. There is nothing you need that I cannot provide.

We are being held by Him and continue to hope in Him as we wait in expectation for our sweet girls.

Mom helping clean up my toes...they needed some serious love

Little guy wanted in on it too. He's such a good helper.

He's such a spot stealer! But oh so cute!

Got a few little snuggles in :)

Coloring and drawing...for about 5 seconds ;)

Worked on some bow making today!