I have always struggled with my body image. If it wasn't my weight then it was my height. Or my feet. Or my hair. Or my skin. Or...or...or... It wasn't until I moved to Texas 5 years ago for a teaching job that I finally felt free enough to change the image people had of me. I could start fresh. Be me for the first time in my whole life. And I was darn excited about it! There was a lot inside that changed, which I think was caused by some of the visible outside changes that were going on. Without even trying...honestly, I was so active with friends that the weight just fell off and one day I could fit into a size 10. Which was absolutely awesome for me! I was so confident. I felt beautiful. But more importantly I felt completely healthy and happy. Though there had definitely been struggles since moving here, I knew in my heart this is where the Lord wanted me. Things were happening in my life and it was wonderful!
Fast forward a bit...I met someone. We dated a short time then we were married. We were married then we found out we were going to have a baby. Now, I had always heard your first year of marriage is like the freshmen 15...as in you will gain a little weight. This was completely true for me. I was comfortable. But I think what really got me was that I wanted to be a good wife. And what made a good wife? Yep, good food. I cooked full course meals with the works! I wanted my husband to know his wife could cook and make him a happy man! Well, I eventually realized what that was doing to me (and my waist size), so I started to try to lose weight. I quickly became frustrated with it because it was so hard! I kept telling myself that this was so easy before because I didn't have to try, it just happened, and I kept hoping and praying one day I could fit back into a size 10...then I found out I was pregnant. The dieting stopped. It took me a few months before my eating started going a bit too far. Yeah I was pregnant, but does that really give me the "right" to eat whatever I want, when I want, and any amount of it I want? I didn't think so, but I was in such a rut.
So here we are. I have a beautiful baby boy and a wonderful husband who loves me no matter what size I am and all I want is to feel better about myself and be healthy again. I can't say what one thing flipped the switch, I just remember one day deciding to be committed to working out and eating right again. Most days there was no motivation, but mind you motivation and commitment are two very different things. Motivation is a feeling that jump starts your journey. Sometimes it's your desire, but sometimes it's definitely your guilt. Commitment is a decision that you make every single minute of every single day. It's a disciplined decision to work out every morning when you really just want to sleep in (and I have to get up at 6am y'all because my 5 month old is up between 7 and 8...). It's a decision to grab an apple instead a handful of cookies when you're hankering for a snack. You are committed to putting the right stuff into your body and burning the bad stuff out of your body through exercise.
I can truly say, for the first time in my life, I've made a commitment to live a healthy lifestyle not just to be on a diet. I gained so much weight with my pregnancy (I will never again do that with future children!) and that's what I needed to motivate me to change. I started at the very end of March, struggled in June when I was away from my husband for a month visiting family, and I'm back in the game now! I've lost a total of 17 pounds so far and looking forward to losing more! I want to do this for my family. I want to be able to keep up with my active little boy and enjoy quality time with husband doing the things we love like hiking or biking. But more importantly, I'm putting myself first time. I'm doing this for me.
It feels wonderful to have freedom from my unhealthy lifestyle. I have to continue to fight for it every single day, but it's worth it. My next post will be about my newest workout routine and how it's going so far. I will leave you with this photo:
My something patriotic food. Fresh, healthy, delicious, and even a gluten free version :)
-Kassidy
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